One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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