I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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