Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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