im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
