I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
