is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
