I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
