u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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