He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
