My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
