Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
