i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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