Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
