Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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