He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
