Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
