Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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