If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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