Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
