Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
