I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
