The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
