My balls are so social today.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
