Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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