She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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