i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
