i just wanna soil my oats bro
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
