Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
