I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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