I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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