Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
