I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
