this boner is exhausting
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
