Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
