I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You need a sexual gate keeper
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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