She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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