Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
