I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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