I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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