The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
