Those balls look pretty dangerous.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
