Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Congratulations! We have a period
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