just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
