just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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