If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
