ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
