i don't like sucking hair
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
