Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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