Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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