He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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