Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
