the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
