I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
