yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
