never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
