I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
