last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
