just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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