Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
