No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
