I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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