Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
