Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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