butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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