Where is the hickey?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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